My Adivce For Those That Follow

I'm a baseball mom. But I'm not that mom. We are not those parents. We never have been. In fact, we never played the Politics of Sports, as we call it.

We did community league, Little League, and years of select club ball. But The Boy never played on a team because we knew somebody, or were friends with somebody, or because we donated craploads of stuff to the team.

I knew people like that. It was just never our scene. The Boy played ball on select teams, not because he was the best, or because we knew someone, but because he earned a spot. He's a hard worker, a willing player, and really kids like that are a coach's dream. But that's all him, it's not us. We can't, and didn't, do that for him.

So what am I babbling about? The Boy is graduating, playing his last year of high school ball. Last year, after winning the state championship, the team graduated 10 seniors. 10! Only five returning seniors this year, a few returning underclassmen, and a whole lot of new players to the varsity squad.

I have been taken aback by the behavior of the newer parents on the team. Shocked, really. It's nothing I saw last year, and it both saddens and still constantly surprises me.

Here is my advice for those parents (and those out there that I know are just like them):

1. Step away. It's high school varsity sports. Your child is at least 15 or 16, possibly 17 or 18. It's time to back away and let them do it on their own. When the coach asked all parents to refrain from "sideline coaching", he didn't mean just at the games. He meant at practice, too. You do not need to show up at every practice and try to correct your kid's performance. By the way, the rest of us call you "Helicopter Dad", and we don't mean it in a nice way. (Though the rest of us parents have never seen you there, we've only heard about it from our kids, because we don't show up and hover at practice.)

2. Don't hit the booze before a game. I assure you, you are plenty obnoxious cold sober, but with the juice, you are just plain embarrassing. To yourself, your child, and the rest of the parents.

3. Don't talk trash about other players on the team, claiming your bench sitting son could do better, while sitting in the stands. Family or friends of those players could be sitting within earshot. In fact, they are. And now they think you are a b*#@%.

4. When you don't think your kid is getting enough playing time, so you start refusing to go to games, your absence is noted. If we parents are noticing, how do you think it makes your son feel?

5. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT approach a player (not your own kid) in the parking lot and tell him he should be "pissed" at being pulled from the line up in the 5th inning and that the coaching is "pathetic". Guess what? That kid has more respect for that coach than just about anyone in his life. He really likes that coach. He knows that he wasn't hitting well, that it was a playoff game, and that he needs to get his hitting back to be in the game because the team needs hits to score runs. (Yes, this happened to my son - two weeks ago. I'm still not over the jerk that did it.)

6. If you hear a supposed story about a player on the team, and you MUST share it. Write it down and then tear it up. Tell your spouse if you absolutely have to. But for crying out loud, do NOT tell your son's girlfriend. She is in high school. Do you remember high school at all? Here's what is going to happen - she will tell her very best friend, who she is sure will keep it secret. And she will tell her very best friend, who will tell her boyfriend, who will tell his best friend, who will tell his girlfriend. You get the idea? Now it's a rumor, and it was started by you, the parent. You should be ashamed.

7. If your kid has a bad game or makes some mistakes that cost the team, I guarantee you that he/she already knows what they did wrong. They are already carrying that burden on their shoulders. Please, please do not berate your child for their mistakes at the field in front of anyone who happens to walk past. In fact, don't berate your child at home in private, either. Pat them on the back, tell them better luck next time, and walk away. Respect them enough to let them work through it in their own way. It's a life lesson, a valuable one. We all make mistakes and we all have to learn from them and apply that lesson to our future lives.

8. This is the hardest one for all of us. And I feel your pain, parents. I've been in your shoes before. Do not complain at home to your kid that they are not getting enough playing time. I know you think your kid is great. And I'm sure he/she is, undoubtedly. But the hardest thing you will ever have to admit to yourself (especially if you've been playing the politics game for years) is that your child just might not be good enough yet to have a starting spot. When you bitch about it at home to your kids, they bring that put-out attitude back to the team. And then suddenly the team has an attitude problem. Just stay quiet at home. Encourage your child to work hard and gain skills. Praise them when they do. Your love is what they really need in life. When they are 40, they'll remember that you loved and supported them long before they'll remember that they didn't get enough playing time their junior or sophomore year in high school.

Love your kids enough to close your mouth, step back and let them learn. Life lessons can be painful to watch as a parent, but they really are valuable and with the right positive support, a gift you can give your children.

PS - Fortunately, though all the above really happened on my son's team, the good outnumber the less-than-good. The boys will play in the state semi-finals Friday, and hopefully the championship game on Saturday. Go team!

***Ally
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Leave Them In The 80's

This will be quick. Unless I really get going on how I feel about it....

I was at a baseball playoff game. Lots of teenagers around.

Two girls, both late teens. Both wearing high waist, acid wash jeans turned into cutoffs.

In case you didn't really get that, let me tell you again.

High waist. Really high. Tank top tucked in to show how high. Like 12-inch-rise-high.

Acid wash. Too young to know what that is? Look:

(source)

 Turned into cutoffs.

Ummmm, no.

But seeing as how this pair pictured here was sold on Etsy, apparently not everyone shares my humble opinion.

Some things are really better left not recycled into current styles again. This is a perfect example. Please, oh please, leave the high waist, acid wash jeans in the 80's were they belong.

Cringing in 2013,
***Ally
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SELLING. Or Selling.

I've been selling some things on eBay and Craigslist. In such, I've been looking at a lot of other ads to gain info on pricing, etc.

I have learned one thing that I am quite confident about.

IF YOU SHOUT AT ME IN WRITING I AM NOT GOING TO BE MORE LIKELY TO BUY YOUR ITEM.

Phew. Feels good to get that off my chest.

I can't tell you how many ads I've looked at that have listed all the great things about their for sale item IN ALL CAPS.

First of all, it makes my eyeballs want to pop out of my head and run for cover in a dark closet. (You're welcome for that visual.)

Here's a short piece of an example off Craigslist:

"THIS IS A FULL METAL BODY EXCEPT FIBERGLASS BUMBERS AND A 6 INCH COWEL HOOD HINGED AND PINNED. FULL FRAME NOT CUT, 6 POINT CAGE WELDED TO FRAME, TWO RACING SEATS, 5 POINT HARNESS. ALL NEW PARTS, ALL POLYURETHANE BUSHINGS, FRONT SUSPENSION, MOROSO DRAG SPRINGS AND SHOCKS, WILWOOD DISC BRAKES WITH PROPORTIONING VALVE, REAREND 12 BOLT 411 POSI, LADDER BAR SUSPENSION MOROSO DRAG SPRINGS AND SHOCKS, JEGS ADJUSTABLE UPPER CONTROL ARM," blah, blah, blah

The entire ad was 3-4 times longer than this. I couldn't even absorb one thing they were saying. Okay, the reality is that I know nothing about cars and don't even know what a polyurethane bushing is, but if I did, I still wouldn't be able to absorb all that. It hurts my eyes to look at it!

*No, I'm not buying a car, it was just a good example that Hubs stumbled on.

Just last night I saw another on eBay and all the highlights were laid out in CAPS. I couldn't even read it.

Second, I really feel like I'm being shouted at. There is a time and place for 'Caps Shouting' in writing.  You know, if I need to shout at my SIL in email. However, there is no place for it in your sales ad. Can you imagine going to a used car lot and having the sales guy shout all the great things about the car at you? No. I think not.

The other thing I realized is that people who don't have typing skills Hubs' aunt *cough cough*, feel that it simplifies typing if they just leave the caps lock on. Is there really energy conservation in not having to press the shift button at the beginning of a sentence?

Does all caps bother your eyes? Maybe I need to have my eyes checked.

Besides, I haven't finished my second cup of coffee.

Please don't shout.

***Ally
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I Know, I Know

I've been... missing. I know.

I thought I last posted a couple of days ago, then I looked at my blog and realized it had been just over a week. What? How did that happen?

I'll tell you how it happened:

Baseball playoffs are still happening. It's thrilling and depressing. Thrilling - they are still in. Depressing - The Boy hit a batting slump before the end of the season. Just as an assistant coach finally pulled him aside and told him how his swing had changed, and he busted his butt to fix it, the head coach pulled him from the line up. In the playoffs. Don't get me wrong, I don't have hard feelings toward the coach - his job is to win a championship the best way he can - and you need hits to do that. But as a parent, you have this immense, crushing, horrible feeling for your child to see them suffer such disappointment and frustration. It doesn't help that the little shit player that was put in his place is a loud mouth asshat brat that trash talks his own teammates - always just out of earshot of the coach. It was also NOT helped when another parent approached The Boy in the parking lot, told him he should be pissed at being pulled from the lineup and that the coach was pathetic. WHO DOES THAT?! Besides the fact, that my son owns his troubles and highly respects his coach!

Graduation is still happening. That was funny writing that, it's not like I thought it was going to get called off or anything! Anywhosit, it's closing in fast. The Boy is in the top 5% of his class, which means I need to remember to get us all to the recognition ceremony next Tuesday night... Prom is happening with plans that teenagers cannot finalize in any reasonable time for my ocd brain. Walking partner forms and recognition forms for the ceremony have to be turned in. Walking partners? When I was in high school, you walked next to the person that was closest to your name in the alphabet! Graduation party is still happening, hosting out of town guests is still happening. Cakes need to be ordered, food lists compiled, shopping done, decorations made....

And then the twist. Hubs was offered a job in another state. If you know me, I've long talked about wanting to live in a sunnier climate for my mental health. (Though I'm sure once gone, I will miss the endless green that accompanies all this rain and clouds) So we are 95% leaning toward acceptance. Hubs still has his four day job shadow coming up to make sure it is everything he thinks it is. But they want him soon, which means the house going on the market right after graduation. So my brain is already trying to pack stuff away for house "staging", yet I can't because of the graduation party. Oh and I have to get licensed in another state for my work, start a new business, move a household. You know, small things like that. AHEM!

So if I seem sporadic, fail to show up to read your posts, comment on your posts with unrelated comments, email you with a sobbing breakdown... just know I have a few things going on in my head, but I'M STILL HERE!

I'm off for my daily walk (since I still can't run). It might be the only thing keeping me calm at this point.

***Ally
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Free Things I Love

Link up with Stasha at The good life for Monday Listicles. It's a different topic every week - follow along and join in. Stasha's a great host and always has interesting things for us to make our lists about. Besides, all the cool people are doing it.

Kristi suggested 10 Things You Love That Cost Nothing, which is actually an awesome topic considering my recent move towards intentional frugality.

1. Sunshine
2. The smell of the first blooms of my lilac tree.
3. Walking my dog on a gorgeous day.
4. Jokes my husband tells. Most of the time.
5. Smiles.
6. Weekends.
7. Sleep. Oh, how I love sleep.
8. Reading - especially if someone passed the book on to me - free!
9. Water to drink. I suppose we pay for it, but there's nothing like a glass of water for me.
10. Love, baby, love!

***Ally
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NoReply-Comment - Say What?

I'm an email reply-er. That is, if you leave me a comment, I will reply to you via email. I LIKE having conversations with the bloggers and blog readers of this world. I'm INTERESTED in what you said and I want to let you know!

But some of you - a lot of you - when you comment and I click to reply, I get this:

"noreply-comment@blogger.com"

I have already tracked down a few of you and just overwrite your address, but I'd love to be able to reply to others!

Now some of you may be saying, "But Ally, I get too many emails and I don't want to hear from you!" and that is totally okay.

And others may be saying, "But I don't do Blogger and therefore don't have that account." That's okay, too.

But for the rest of you -

Go check out Michelle's post on this subject. Then check out the rest of her blog, because she's kind of awesome.

Mwah! Just because I love you.

***Ally
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When A Yard Sale Trumps Donations

I'm a hardcore 'donate it' kind of gal.

I would much rather donate things I'm getting rid of and take the tax write off, than spend hours tagging and pricing my junk. And then spend one or two days of my valuable time watching people paw through (and reject) my junk, only to nickel and dime me to drop the already ridiculously low price of a table cloth, cake pan, sweater, or set of mugs. When I could be doing something else like dancing to jams in the kitchen while eating chocolate chips from the bag. Or something really valuable like that.

So it was with great reluctance when we hit the threshold.

You see, I am on a mission. If I own it, I want to use it. If I don't or won't use it, then why own it? How can something be sentimental if I don't look at it, enjoy its presence or USE it? If it's packed away in the recesses of a closet or drawer or cupboard, and seen only once every three years when I have to move it to see if something I can't find is behind it, it cannot possibly be THAT sentimental.

It is a work in progress, but I'm trying.

I've been trying to get through stuff before The Boy's graduation. It's probably just how I'm dealing with not dealing with the fact that my only child is graduating from high school. But it's healthy, really. At least I'm not drinking away my sorrows. Yet.

It all started with the guest room, aka: the family dumping ground. I sorted a few things to sell on eBay. Then I went through a library's worth some books. I sorted those of value to sell on half.com. I made a stack with the rest for donating to Goodwill or Salvation Army. Then it was kitchen cupboards, our closets, and oh my, the linen closet. Hey, there are real shelves in there!

Suddenly my couple of boxes of donations was a growing mountain. I can't tell you exactly when the threshold got passed, but somewhere in there was the thought that we could make some pocket cash.

As it turns out, the only weekend we have free to pull this off is... next Saturday. The Boy and The Girlfriend asked if they could put stuff in the sale, too. Then I asked if they could man the sale in the morning because Hubs and I try to get a workout in on Saturday mornings. OH, they were planning on being at the sale all day!!

YES!!!!! I have scored on a very big level. I promised to make them lunch. And help set up and help clean up. And Hubs will haul the leftovers to the donation site.

(But if I only make $46, the 'threshold' will increase dramatically and I will never be having a yard sale again. Did I mention that I despise holding yard sales?)

Do you do yard sales? Have you been successful?

***Ally
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