Christmas Clean Up

Today is the day I start dismantling our "Christmas House", as my husband likes to call it. We go a little crazy with the decorations, inside and out. Unfortunately, I am responsible for the inside. Here is a list of 10 observations as I take a break from un-trimming the tree:

1. One dry, sad Christmas tree, half un-decorated. Funny how when I am putting the decorations up, Christmas music is playing and the wine is flowing. Now, I am wearing stained pajamas and the coffee is cold.

2. Two crock pots on the kitchen counter that need to be put away in the black- hole- of- a -pantry. At least they are clean. Sort of.

3. Three pounds of leftover Honeybaked ham and turkey in the refrigerator that no one will eat.

4. Four melted candles on the coffee table.

5. Five dirty Christmas kitchen towels lying on the floor.

6. Six bottles of OPENED wine on my kitchen counter, next to the crock pots.

7. Seven silver serving utensils that need to be hand washed and returned to their velvet case.

8. Eight empty Rubbermaid containers waiting to be filled with Christmas decorations and hauled up to the attic.

9. Nine bottles of UNOPENED wine in my refrigerator. Sweet.

10. Ten extra pounds on my big, fat ass, gained in less that 30 days. Not so sweet.

Carpe Diem,
-Lela

Bizarre Happenings Around Here

Sometimes do you just wonder what goes through people's minds?

1. Pulling into the gas station, I realize the pump I'm pulling up to has one of those covers over it, making it "out of order". So I continue forward and around to pull to the open one on the other side. Just as Mrs. Sunglasses swoops in and takes the spot. Which in and of itself isn't as bizarre (just annoying) as her whipping off her sunglasses and giving me the stink-eye as I have to circle around again. I might add - I WAS AT THE GAS STATION FIRST, CRAZY LADY! Apparently she is still in the pre-school mentality of "grab it first and it's mine".

2. I worked until 6pm. Didn't leave my office until 6:20pm. Arrived home at 7:00pm, which is late for me. To find my son and husband reading the directions on a frozen pizza that takes 35 minutes to cook (it's gourmet, people, that's why so long - and it was a lame Christmas present) - AND THE OVEN IS STILL COLD. Might as well have it for breakfast, now. Because I am starving, due to the fact that I purposely have not been having a snack to save room for dinner. Which I thought I would have at dinner-time. I mean, we tend to eat late, but not at 8:00pm. I only work until 6pm two nights a week, so it's not like they have to make dinner EVERY night. Maybe it was just my low blood sugar blowing things out of proportion?

3. Reported by my son, who received a Best Buy gift card for Christmas, "We have a problem. I couldn't find anything to buy at Best Buy." WTF? Who can't find SOMETHING to buy there? Accessories for his guitar, for his drums, for his computer, for his cell phone, how about movies, music... Really?

4. And finally, my son's last two Christmas presents were opened after the initial round of gifts. The initial tornado of paper and boxes had already been cleaned up and thrown away/put away/recycled. Of the last two he opened, one was a gift bag, which I picked up and put away to be reused. The other was wrapped with some foil type paper that should be thrown away. SHOULD BE. But it hasn't been. I am doing a secret test. The test is to see how long it will sit IN THE MIDDLE of the living room floor. Where it has to be avoided to not step on it. It was opened December 25th. Today is December 30th. It's still there. I have picked up Christmas decorations, and everything around it, leaving it in it's resting place. Still there. If I was a betting kinda girl.....

5. Drivers? I can't even go there. They.Make.Me.Crazy.

I am convinced the bizarre behavior is all part of the after-Christmas brain comas everyone is in. I am convinced it will all start to correct itself next week. We'll see.....

***Ally

Post It Note Tuesday

If you want to play along, check out SupahMommy's site. It's great fun!

The Final Five Days of Baby Santa's Adventures

Yeah, I know. You are all going to miss him terribly. Whatever.

Here are the last five days of his adventures:

December 21: We had an Aflac representative speak during the class I teach. He brought a friend for Baby Santa. Aaaaa-flaaaaaac!! (He does that when you squeeze him)


December 22nd: Everyone needs some good Mexican food once in a while. And while we were waiting for our food, enjoying our drinks (that's MY MARGARITA in the middle there - and it was great), Baby Santa was pouting because I wouldn't let him drink in public.


December 23rd: Downtown Seattle to see the Christmas decorations. We were inside a big shopping center peering down on the lower levels. (My son was absolutely horrified that I made him take this picture!) Baby Santa was sure I would "accidentally" drop him over the edge.


December 24th: He was begging for me to open some wine to get through the last two days of Christmas. Ha! Wonder where he got that idea?


December 25th: It's over. Nothing left but a pile of used wrapping paper. He's bushed. Exhausted from all his holiday partying. Ready for a good winter's sleep. (We'll just see about that...)

***Ally

Christmas Highlights - it's a list!

It's a Christmas Highlight list game!

Best food item: calamari salad my aunt brought for an appetizer! Yum!

Worst food item: white chocolate fudge with dried red and green fruit in it. ugh.

Best gift received: a donation to one of my favorite charities in my name! (Pasado's Safe Haven - it's a rescue & rehabilitation center for animals of all kinds - love it!)

Worst gift received: frozen pizza. (Another post, another day. When I'm over it.)

Gift received that made you go,"huh?": frozen pizza.

Best gift given: donation to charity.

Worst gift given: mixed bags of nuts to the family members I truly think are "nuts".

Best Christmas moment: standing with my family singing Silent Night by candlelight at church Christmas Eve.

Worst preparation moment: custard that DID NOT set! Or was it when I set the box on fire in a candle on the kitchen counter?

How about YOU?

***Ally

To Our Friends....

Wishing you a

Merry Christmas!

Ally & Lela

'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

...and all hell broke loose... just kidding.

But seriously, I don't know about your house but I've never had a Christmas Eve when "not a creature was stirring...". Unless you count the moment when I fall into bed completely exhausted after trying to stay up later than my son to get his gifts under the tree and in his stocking.

I hope your plans and preparations are going smoothly and I hope you have time to sit and relax and enjoy the day/evening/holiday.

I might actually sit down tonight with a (strong) drink of some sort and actually take notice of the lights on our tree. Yes! There ARE lights on our tree! Amazing. Oh yeah, it came out of the box that way. (And we're still not talking about the fact that they are colored lights instead of white.) Oh well. But hey, the ornaments somehow made it onto the branches, too. And it looks nice. It's a lovely tree.

Clearly placed by a 15 year old guitar playing baseball player.
That's an electric guitar ornament in the middle that you can't see just down from the Seattle Mariners ornament. Some day I will have the beautiful tree with the matching ornaments and ribbons and perfectness. And then I will wish for my sentimental family ornaments, no doubt.

Okay, so last night I hauled my family downtown Seattle to look at Christmas Decorations. What was I thinking? I am married to a guy who hates to shop and have a fifteen year old son. 'Nuff said about him. Whatever image was in my head (you know, the one where we hold hands and admire all the beautiful lights and decorations and get happy cold noses and ride the carousel and give money to the homeless and then go get something to eat), was not reality. Okay, so we did give money to a homeless guy and his dog. And we did get a little something to eat (at a tacqueria). And my son and I stood and watch a great singing group on the street while my husband wrestled with traffic to find the scariest parking garage I've ever seen in my life. Macy's has NO good decorations anymore. There were lines everywhere. Neither one would go into Sephora with me. And someone let their dog shit on the sidewalk right at the crosswalk and just as we were about to shout at some stranger who was about to step in it.... yeah, he stepped in it and we all witnessed it. He did not, of course, notice. Oh man. We tried.

I have learned my lesson - this is a trip for GIRLFRIENDS, not families with teenagers. I am planning next year's girlfriend trip in my head already!

But for this year I am ready to settle down and let it happen. Whatever I'm not ready for now, I never will be. Besides we are blessed and have everything we need. We'll enjoy each other and the meaning of the day.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. May you have good health, happiness, and peace.

***Ally

Wordless Wednesday... (or maybe not so wordless)

Okay, just a FEW words to give credit where credit is totally due:

Rita at Fighting Off Frumpy did a post about her kids and Santa. And she had this link:

Sketchy Santas

Check it out. You will think my Baby Santa is much less creepy. No need to say more. (Don't forget to notice some of the Santa's hand placements - ugh)

***Ally

PS - There is no possible way for me to be wordless. It's just not in my nature. I have a big mouth. (Figuratively, not literally. Quit picturing Julia Roberts. Or Cameron Diaz. Geez. Then again, they are both hotter than me. Except without makeup. Which I've seen on those celebs without makeup sites. Not pretty. See? I talk too much. Even in my head.)

PPS Last month there were six visits to our site with DIAL UP connection. I didn't even know that still worked. Here's to Google Analytics, the only site that wastes more of my time that my high school reunion facebook group.

PPSS (how long can this go on?) THIS JUST IN: We reached 50 followers! (I know, we're such infants in this whole blogosphere) WooHoo! We love you guys! We're marching off for 100....

More Adventures of Baby Santa - Part 4

When I first laid eyes on him, I never thought he's still be around now.

But here he is, still cruising through December, hanging with me through my daily chores and activities.

Who is 'HE' you ask?

'He' is Baby Santa. 'He' is from my husband's childhood (actually before that!) 'He' was found while going through my mother-in-law's house. My husband was tickled. I was horrified.

For a quick review of Baby Santa so far this December:
Here's where he gets found.
Here's Part 1 of his adventures.
Here's Part 2.
Here's Part 3.
Now that we're caught up, follow along to see how the last week was spent!


December 16th. My husband and I ran errands! Together! Look - there's our hands! (My husband hates errands, especially shopping.) He was a trooper - and so was Baby Santa. Not a complaint made from either of them.


December 17th. Oh Baby Santa - the fudge? Really? Look, it's even on his mustache. You can't leave him alone! That fudge will never last until Christmas...


December 18th. And where did the Muddy Buddies go? NINE cups of cereal went into that mix! That's a serious sweet tooth, little fat Santa Baby.



December 19th. A month and a half late, but we finally got the raspberries trimmed down and got them and the veggie garden bed covered with a layer of leaf mulch. Yard work never stops. Even in winter.


December 20th. The little lush is back. That's a hot buttered rum, friends. First my wine, now my rum. Sigh.

And just to share, here's the Hot Buttered Rum recipe. (although you likely have it, seems like everyone I talk to has the same or similar recipe!)
1 lb butter
1 lb brown sugar
1 lb powdered sugar
1 qt vanilla ice cream
1 tsp cinnamon
Soften butter & ice cream. Blend all ingredients until mostly smooth.
Store in freezer.
Add heaping spoonful (or more) + rum to cup. Add hot water. Mix. Sprinkle with nutmeg. Enjoy!
*A stand mixer works GREAT.
*Yes it is heart attack waiting to happen. I don't drink them often. Thank goodness. I do like to put the mix in small plastic containers and give that and a pint of rum for a hostess gift.

***Ally

After The Party's Over . . .

First, I want to thank all my bloggy friends for the beautiful, heart-warming comments they left on my "Be The Change" post. Your comments made me very emotional (in a good way) and I am very grateful. Thanks again for the love!

Okay, things have continued to be a little crazy around here. We had a Christmas cocktail party Friday night with 20 of our closest friends and I was sad that Ally and her husband couldn't attend. (She lives 1,800 miles away.) But, after a few glasses of wine I wasn't too sad.

Everything was lovely. How can you go wrong with good food, good wine, and good company?

This is how:

When the last guest departed and I cleaned up the kitchen, I plopped on the couch and unzipped my high-heeled boots. Then I spotted the 2 pound box of Sees candy one of my awesome friends brought me as a hostess gift. I sat there and meticulously picked out all the caramels and shoved them in my mouth one at a time.

Then I fell asleep.

I don't know what is worse: Sleeping in pantyhose or sleeping with melted caramel and chocolate in your mouth. And you should see my dress. It is covered with smeared chocolate! I tried licking it off, but it looks like a job for the dry cleaners.

Got any embarrassing holiday party stories? Please share ; )

Cheers!

-Lela

We're Gorgeous! & Why We Were Cool Before Our Time...

First - We're Gorgeous. We're kidding. (sort of)

See, the kind ladies over at Life Laugh Latte were handing out awards, and our name made it on the list. Ooooh lucky us! Now we have this:




See. We told you we were lucky. Thanks ladies!
If you haven't checked them out, do it! Click >>> Life Laugh Latte They blog, they vlog and if you scroll back a few days, they have some pictures up of great Christmas decor and a yummy looking tamale pie! And of course, great conversation to go with it.

We know we should pass this on to a whole list of bloggers. But it is almost Christmas and life is a little, um, overwhelming. BUT, we want to do this. For you faithful followers - we love you. You actually read what we write. And you comment! But more importantly, we love YOUR blogs - you inspire us, teach us, entertain us, and fill our heads with all kinds of ideas (watch out husbands and kids!). So please take this award. Post it on your own site and pass it on to anyone you'd like.

And we'll pass it on to just one newly discovered (at least by us) blog:
Today's Cliche
This is so good. You get the same story told twice - once from the wife, and once from the husband. Oh yeah. It's good. Hilarious. Enlightening. An fun-filled reading ride.


Now do you want to know why we were cool before our time? Well, besides the obvious. (kidding again, sort of). You see, back in the winter of 1981/1982 (I identify by school years here), Lela and I showed up at a high school Friday night dance wearing a trend setting style. (Or so we thought) We took plain, gray, crew neck sweatshirts and cut the neck out. Then we popped those on over tube tops. (Good grief, we were in high school, we weren't about to go BRA-LESS) One bare shoulder sticking out of the freshly cut sweatshirt. We did up our hair and makeup and marched in there like we were 'the shit'. Of course we drew a little attention (very little), mostly from guys (only the nerdy ones). And mostly kids probably thought we were weird and chaperones were probably all wondering if that was okay or if they should tell us to cover up.

BUT, if you'll remember, in 1983, just a year or two later, a little movie was released. It was called Flashdance. Here, let me jog your memory:


Ya see that sweatshirt? Yeah, we did that first. (please don't tell me about any other previous movie, superstar, or high school nerd that did it before us. DON'T burst my personal, delusional bubble!)

So, yeah, we were cool before our time.

Ally & Lela

Police Business is Entertainment Business

I know some of you live in small towns. And as such, I'm sure your local police blotter in the paper is similar to the one where my mother-in-law used to live. But I live in the suburbs of a big city of crime and problems, so the calls that the small town police go out on - well sometimes they strike me as hilarious. (And I acknowledge that the big city police blotters are somewhat horrifying!)

We are currently receiving the paper from where she used to live. Every time it shows up (once per week), my sick mind seeks out the entertainment value and I immediately open to the police blotter. Here's an example of this last week's "crime":

"A family Thanksgiving week celebration went awry when the dog bit the dad and a son and his children left in a huff."

"A man and his girlfriend got into a shouting match. They were advised to separate for a few days and calm down. No physical abuse was involved."

"A XXXX Place man said there was a man sleeping in a car on XXXX Way. The sleeper said he arrived home at 4am and didn't want to wake his parents. His mom verified his story."

"A XXXX Lane man said a landscaper was blowing leaves into the lake at a neighbor's home."

"An officer on patrol found a burgundy chair and a Roper brand clothes washer dumped on XXXX Lane."

And the winner:
"A XXXX Circle woman said her cat was missing. A neighbor's grandson had been over playing with the cat earlier in the day. She was afraid the cat followed the boy outside. The cat has never been outside before."

Really? This is a police matter?

And of course you can't forget the SEVEN incidents of deer running in front of the car, being hit and/or causing car damage. In two of the cases the deer had to be euthanized and the carcasses were "granted" to interested parties. Granted? Seriously? One interested party was a 'neighbor' - the other a 'passerby'. The other five deer ran away. The good news here is that most of these people are old and drive slow. So no one was injured, because I know hitting a deer at high speeds can do serious damage to cars and people alike. No injuries except, of course, for poor Bambi, who ended up wrapped in the freezer for winter stew. Or Christmas dinner. Ho Ho Ho.

***Ally

Be The Change

Yesterday was a crazy day! My alarm went off at 5:15 am and I was on the go until 6 pm, when I realized I was starving and hadn't planned dinner for the family. I frantically searched the fridge, freezer and pantry for ideas. Nuthin. Then I took money from my husband's wallet and headed to the Lucky Chinese Buffet.

Outside the restaurant, about 10 yards away from the front door, stood a homeless man with a shopping cart full of his possessions. He was listening to music on headphones and just minding his own business.

I was so hungry and in such a big hurry that I walked right by him and entered the warm restaurant filled with people and the garlicky smell of Chinese food. Oh, I didn't ignore him. I smiled and said "hi" as I walk by him. But once I got in the long line to order my food, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Well, I turned right around to the person behind me (the line was growing fast) and asked her to save my place. Then I walked out the door and up to the man and started over.

"Can I buy you something to eat?"

Most people are compassionate and want to reach out to others, but it is often out of their "comfort zone". What do I say? What if I insult them? What if they don't want my help?

I say, "Who cares?" How can the willingness to help others ever be bad? Just do it. Don't think about it. Don't walk past someone in need when you are able to help.

My homeless friend preferred me to order for him and get it to go. "Lot's of chicken," he requested. "Surprise me."

I bought the biggest bowl of chicken and rice they had. Then, after the girl had thrown in the fortune cookie and was tying up the bag, I tossed a ten dollar bill on top.

Be brave. Even if you walk by someone in need, you can always go back.

It will be a double blessing.

-Lela

Adventures of Baby Santa - Part 3

There are days when Baby Satan Santa, wears out his welcome. Really.
You can click here to find out how Baby Santa came to be. And here to read about Part 1 of his Adventures. And here for Part 2.



December 11. My husband totally defends Baby Santa. And now the dog. It's like she's just daring me to take him away. Oh wait. It's the chew bone she's defending. Ha!





December 12. Where'd he goooooooooooooooooo? I thought I'd dropped him in the mailbox. Or the toilet. Or the dog ate him. But alas, I left him in the car. Found him the next morning. Dammit.




December 13. "They" (those weather people) said we MIGHT get some snow. The kids were excited. The dog was excited. The snow flakes began to fall. Baby Santa ran right out. And then it stopped. All we had to show for it was a few flakes in this lousy picture.




December 14. All I wanted was to sit on the couch for an hour with a glass of wine. Watch a little tv. But no, there's stuff to do. And then I find HIM.





December 15. And then came the rain. And more rain. Sitting in the car, waiting for a break in the rain. I know it's dark. That's part of the problem. Dark as night at 5pm, rain hitting the windshield. Cold. Dark. Dreary. Maui, take me away!

Ten more days of Baby Santa tales until Christmas. Hope you aren't too bored. I know this week wasn't too exciting but things have been a little rough around here. Hopefully looking up, though. And more adventures! I hear he's going to visit the hospital and maybe even Downtown shoppers!

***Ally

Post It Note Tuesday

To play along, check out Supah Mommy's Blog.

Pork and Cheese

I have just returned from a little Christmas party with my California girlfriends/prayer group. Every year during the holidays we enjoy an ornament exchange with a twist. The twist is your ornament has to be attached to a bottle of wine, and everyone brings an appetizer. This is a sample tonight's menu:

• Cheese fondue with bread for dipping


• Homemade jalapeno cheese ball


• Baked brie wrapped in puff pastry


• Ham and cheese on Hawaiian rolls, soaked in melted butter and baked


• Cocktail wieners wrapped in biscuit dough


• Cheese log and salami platter


• Bacon and brown sugar on crackers

Can anyone say pork and cheese?

Delicious.

-Lela

I Want To Work At TJ Maxx

I do. I want to work at the dressing room. Because at TJ Maxx, they have a policy. And if you are unfamiliar with the policy, they will gladly, tap-tap-tap, point it out to you. Because the sign is posted and they will tap-tap-tap it for you to see.

When you go to the dressing room with your handful of clothes, you must place them on the rack. Once on the rack, the Ruler-Of-The-Dressing-Rooms (ROTDR) will count your hangers. Supposedly there is a limit to how many you can take into a room at a time. I personally think the limit depends on how many you have. If you have 6, the limit is 4. If you have 8, the limit is 6. You can see where that's going.

And DO NOT try to hand the hangers to the ROTDR. She will not take them from you. It is not part of the policy. You must place them on the rack. THAT is the policy. Tap-tap-tap.

And once the ROTDR counts your hangers. She will tell you that you cannot take all of your things in at one time. You must take only the 'limit'. Then you can come out and get the rest. Tap-tap-tap. And she will take some of your items away from you to 'hold' until you are ready.

And when you are done trying on your clothes, please place the items back on the rack to be recounted. Tap-tap-tap. Do not hand them to the ROTDR. Tap-tap-tap. Once she has counted your discards, you will be released to go. Tap-tap-tap.

Seriously! This is how it goes. And I admit to shopping there too much, so I'm familiar with the 'policy'. It's hilarious to watch people who are not so familiar. I watched this woman, who thought the whole thing was as ridiculous as it truly is, and she kept shooting me looks - I smiled and rolled my eyes when the ROTDR was looking the other way - just to let her know I KNEW how dumb the 'policy' is. She started laughing and almost gave me up, because I was playing along with the ROTDR.

So I'm thinking this is a great job. You get minimum wage, and you get people calling you names and rolling their eyes at you all day. Awesome. This job rocks. Tap-tap-tap.

***Ally

Adventures of Baby Santa - Part 2

Whew! Baby Santa and I are staying busy. You can click here to find out how Baby Santa came to be. And here to read about Part 1 of his Adventures. Now if the little creep will just get a job and help pay the bills...

December 6th. There was much house cleaning to do. And Baby Santa helped me whip out the Dyson to attack the floors. My dog doesn't much like the Dyson, and attaching Baby Santa did NOT help things.

December 7th. Ugh. So.Much.Work. Why does it take so long to get stuff done on the computer? Oh, because I stop and get distracted reading blogs? You think?

December 8th. Off to the post office to drop of Christmas cards in the mailbox. I believe he was terrified in this picture. Like he was afraid I'd drop him in the box with the mail. He-he-he - don't give me any ideas!


December 9th. Little guy better get to wrapping. Because most of our list has to be shipped off to other states. Which is why you see so many gift cards in that first pic - low packaging, low wrapping and LOW SHIPPING COSTS! But another chance to drop him in the mailbox - hmmmm.

December 10th. I had a party to go to. Unfortunately, my husband had to drive my son to all his activities and did not get go with me to the party. And I was too tired to cook for them. So here's dinner guys. Baby Santa picked out Pad Thai and Pad Se-ew. Eat up! (I think Baby Santa looks completely disgusted in this picture - OR like he's going to dive in and eat it all in a flurry of noodles and tofu.)

Stay tuned for more adventures. We've still got a couple weeks until Christmas - he's bound to get into some good mischief between now and then!

***Ally

Parties, Clothes and Wine, Oh My!

Just the other day, I was commenting (okay, maybe slightly complaining in a put-out sort of way) that we had not been invited to any holiday parties. Lela was buying cute black dresses and boots for parties they were going to, but us? Not so much.

And then, like things do, everything flipped upside down and now suddenly there's a party Thursday for a volunteer community service group to which I am distantly a part of, and a dinner party Friday for my husband's racquetball league buddies and their wives. And Saturday is dinner out with another couple, sans kids (who we will leave at home under the watchful eye of my teenager. [Insert eye roll here]) - an annual pre-Christmas event that we truly enjoy.

But all these things bring the same question - What will I wear? None of these events are super dressy, but definitely dressier than my everyday casual. Because, in the real world, I am a casual girl. Jeans are my friend. And at work? - there's no dressing up going on at work. Now I love to dress up like a girl now and then, but we have boring lives an the opportunity just doesn't present itself that often. So I usually have one or two things - and by the time I need to wear them again, they are three years old and I don't want to.

So I went on my emergency shopping trip to TJ Maxx. They've come to my rescue before. Hopefully you all have these stores and know what it's about. (If not, think Ross or Marshall's - brand name stuff being cleared out cheap) You have to have the patience to weed through the ugly stuff to find a gem.

Now here I am, with EVERYONE else, looking for something to wear for a holiday event. I've got basics at home - black skirt, nice black or gray pants, heels, boots - but need a shirt that doesn't scream BORING. And not my standard BLACK. Unfortunately, I had not only run out of patience, but had also run out of time. So I was flying through the racks grabbing anything, with much hope and finger crossing.


Option #1. Now I've seen gals walking around wearing these, looking adorable, with their boots and all. So I pulled it on. All that big neck stretched out over the too big shoulders. Not so much. See, if you were born with big wide shoulders like me, then you should NOT be wearing a sweater like this. I looked like a defensive lineman. With pads on.

Option #2. Um, even SMALL ruffles covering your entire upper body is a bad thing. Unless of course you are going for the complete OPPOSITE of 'slimming'. Then this would be your top.

Option #3. Again, I've been eyeing other people wearing this style. Cute - Um, no. I looked like someone's grandma in her big flow-y caftan. Maybe it was just the wrong size. Uh-huh. Right.


Option #4. Who in the hell was I kidding with this one? Last time I looked at the thermometer it was 18 degrees outside. And even with a cute cardigan, it was just the wrong length, wouldn't stay down smoothly and kept riding up at the bottom and bunching up in the middle. I would have been pulling on it all night and ended up standing in a puddle of sequins as they all started coming off.


I ended up with this. Let's say it together - boring. But it was flattering on, has cute detailing up the sides that you can't see in this pic, brightly colored for the holiday, and warm. No, I won't wear it three nights in a row. But maybe two. Once with pants and heels and once with a skirt and boots.

I ache for a cute wardrobe. But it seems hopeless when I shop. I can't find anything and I go home frustrated. I used to love shopping. I miss those days. Because now it's a drag. Or maybe it's just that I don't have time, patience or money. At any rate, I'll wear the new sweater and drag some old thing out of my closet for the one of the other nights. And some day I'll win the lottery and hire myself a personal shopper. Ahhhh, one can always dream.

***Ally
PS - are you wondering why I used the word wine in the title? I'm going out three nights in a row - there will be plenty of wine to make me forget that my clothes are boring.

Whip Me, Please

I hate Starbucks.

That doesn't mean I don't go there. I may be willing to pay their exorbitant prices for a cup of coffee, but I refuse to play their little Starbucks games. It's my right as an American.

You too, have these rights when entering a Starbucks:

1. You have the right to order in plain English a SMALL, MEDIUM or LARGE.

2. You have the right to take your time and not feel rushed while making your order, even though the cashier is rolling his eyes and tapping his Sharpie pen on the counter.

3. You have the right to give them a fake name to write on your cup.

4. You have the right to get whipped cream on your nonfat drink without every Starbuck's employee asking, "No whip, right?"

5. You have the right to act like your mother in response to the total price of your drink, ie. dig in your purse for exact change and make comments under your breath such as, "What a racket," and "This is highway robbery."

6. You have the right NOT to tip. Their job is to make coffee and serve it. What EXTRA service deserves a tip? They don't even deliver it. Give me a freaking break. They should be tipping ME for having to listen to their shitty coffee house muzak.

7. You have the right to force your way up to the front and watch them make your coffee, and bring it to their attention if they "accidentally" use whole milk instead of the nonfat you ordered.

8. You have the right to order a free cup of water. The barista will act like you are asking him to shave off his goatee, and he will do it, reluctantly, after he has finished all 27 orders before you. Still, it's your right and he HAS to do it.

9. You have the right to sit down and drink your coffee there, although I don't know why anyone would want to sit in an uncomfortable chair at a wobbly table listening to shitty muzak (see right #6). Yes, there is a couch, but you would have to share it with the fat guy on his laptop writing his "novel". Go for it. It's your right.

10. You have the right to stand in line listening to shitty muzak, realize you don't want to pay $4 for a cup of coffee, and leave. Just because you walk into a Starbucks doesn't mean you have to buy something. It's your right as an American.

God Bless America.

And small, nonfat, peppermint mochas WITH whip.

-Lela

Merry SITSmas to YOU!

Want to know what Merry SITSmas is all about? Click here to get the whole scoop at
The Secret is in the Sauce!

We started out as two little kids, just looking for someone to play with.
Normal kids.
We turned into friends. Best friends.
Normal friends.
We turned into wives.
Normal wives.
We turned into moms.
Two Normal Moms.

From our little, normal corner of the world, we wish you a ~
Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Holiday

May you find moments in this crazy season to take in the sights, the sounds, the smells and the meaning of your holiday. May you find love, peace, health and happiness all around you.

We dug deep into our normal past to find you a greeting postcard that represents us.

This is us, Ally & Lela, circa 1980. Complete with a full mouth of metal, because our orthodontist (yes, we went to the same one) believed in full metal bands on EVERY tooth. Also complete with curling iron rolls of hair framing our early teen faces. Had the photography been better, you would surely see our teenage acne, as well. This charming photo was take at school! Yes, Santa was in public school! And he was none other than our principal. (Can you even imagine a junior high principal having young teen girls sitting on his lap today? Oh the media frenzy that would cause!)

And for your listening pleasure... a song from the past. Way back in the past. Ally owned the album. It was played many, many, many times. For many years. Too many years, really.

posted on YouTube by SumerKis38

WAIT. Don't unfollow us! It was all in good fun, really!
Have a fabulous Christmas everyone!

XXOO
Ally & Lela
Two Normal Moms

Christmas Presents From The Mr.

I know. Some of you are married to that guy that loves to shop. (Do they really make those?) And he really enjoys picking out the perfect present for you. And he enjoys the surprise on your face when you open said perfect present.

I'm not married to him. My Mr. HATES to shop. He'd really rather stay home and clean toilets. For realz. It used to be, long, long ago, that I'd drop hints and he's pay attention and attempt something I wanted. Then I had to make a list. Then I got smart and started adding things to the list like size, color, store, location in the store, aisle in the store, description of packaging, a damn picture of what it is. Then we did a few years of "Let's save money and not exchange gifts this year." Snore. So boring. Not fun. Shouldn't this be the one person I WANT to exchange gifts with?

But alas, I have realized that if I truly want to get something that I want and like, sometimes it's easier to do it myself. Which is why I told my husband I wanted boots for Christmas. But I ended up finding some for half the price of what I thought they'd be, so bought them for myself. Then I decided he could buy me that wool coat I need so desperately. But the whole store, location, exact coat, exact size. This all has room for error. And the coat I wanted was FIFTY percent off! Yes, 50%! So I bought it. And I came home and joyfully announced that his shopping for me was done. He was off the hook. And he could even wrap it up and put it under the tree if he wanted.

On Christmas Eve. Because I'm wearing that baby between now and then. In fact, I've been wearing it for a week and I love it, love it, love it. It's fab, and warm and cute. And I'm happy as a kid on Christmas morning.

So while I may not get the perfect surprise on December 25th, I will get what I want, in the right size, at the right price. Ahhhh, practicality does pay off sometimes.

***Ally

Adventures of Baby Santa - Part 1

I recently posted about this hideous Christmas decoration, Baby Santa, from my husband's childhood. There's nothing I can do about his beloved childhood memory being in my life. For now. You never know what gets lost when the Christmas boxes get put away in January.

Anyway, I couldn't bear to have him just hanging around the house for people to accidentally see. So I've decided that Baby Santa, scary as he is, will accompany me on my activities from December 1-25. That's right, it's the 25 Days of the Adventures of Baby Santa. I will do my best to keep him out of sight of small children to prevent them from having nightmares.

***I need to digress here. My dog is laying at my feet. She normally does not gas us out of the house. But I may have to leave and come back later, as I currently cannot breathe from the silent but deadly farts coming from the deep recesses of her body. Good grief - why do they do that?***

Okay, back on track. Today I present Days 1-5.

December 1st. We have a tree dilemma. We decided to go with an artifical tree after years of live trees. Beautiful, naturally scented, drop needles everywhere you damn look, live trees. So my husband went After-Christmas shopping and bought a fake tree last year. Now this requires appreciation, because if you've read any other posts of mine, my husband HATES shopping. So said tree is up, and it has colored lights. I like white tree lights. I'm not so happy. And my husband secretly agrees with me. But trying to be appreciative of my husband's efforts. So do we use it? Or buy one with white and sell it? Baby Santa was trying it out to help with the decision.



December 2nd. Baby Santa went to work with me. He hung out with the book of exercises my clients refuse to invest the time to do, got bored, because no one looks at that book, and went and hung out with Mr. Bones, instead.


December 3rd. Oh No. It's that time of year. Time for the annual gynecological exam. Poor Baby Santa. To witness such torture. Actually, I wanted to take his picture with him sitting in one of the foot stirrups. But they had them all tucked neatly away into the table and there was no way to pull one out without creating a noisy ruckus, so I had to settle for a shot on the discarded gown. I mean it's bad enough to have this woman all up in my business, but to have to explain that I'm blogging about the adventures of the ugliest toy on earth is really too much.



December 4th. I teach business classes at a massage school on Fridays. Baby Santa was student of the day. Never once did he try to fall asleep, question me for the sake of seeing if I really knew what I was talking about, tell a long drawn out story completely unrelated to the day's lesson, or have to go to the bathroom. He's a star student. Even if he is ugly. One of my students called him frightening.


December 5th. Oh, please don't make us get up. I'm SO tired. Really? Are you sure it's morning already? And you want me to get up and WORK OUT??!

Fine. Some push-ups on the bosu. And a few squats. But that's it. No more. I'm tired.
And yes, a few miles on the treadmill. WALKING. I'll walk fast. I promise. No I'm not going OUTSIDE. It's freaking cold out there and I have not yet acclimated and accepted the fact that it's pretty much winter.

Enjoy your season! Don't you wish you had a Baby Santa to share it with? For the low price of $24.95, you can likely find one on eBay. They were made in 1955, after all. Age DOES count for something.

***Ally