I recently watched an undercover expose' on the purchase of ladies underwear.
Apparently, when you return underwear, the salespeople are NOT supposed to re-tag them and put them back on the sales floor. Who wants someone else's crotch cooties? Or as the journalist so eloquently stated, "unwanted bacteria".
This Pulitzer Prize bound investigative reporter even went one step further to prove that the panties you purchase are probably tainted (pun intended). After buying panties from well-known department stores, she took them home and stained the crotches with baby oil! Then she returned them and came back later to find them, you guessed it, back on the racks, stains and all.
Ladies, to protect you private parts, please follow these easy steps for your next panty purchase:
1. Go to Target, NOT Macy's.
2. Pick out a hermetically-sealed plastic package of panties in your size. To be on the safe side, if you think you wear a medium, buy the large. Just do it.
3. Buy them. You can most likely get a pack of 6 for 5 bucks.
4. Take them home and (this is important) WASH THEM. Preferably in hot water.
5. Wear them. If they don't fit, cram them in your underwear drawer anyway. If they are too small, you will lose weight someday and they will fit. If they are too big, you will gain weight some day and they will fit.
6. DO NOT return them if your crotch has made contact with them in any way, shape, or form.
Together, we can stop the spread of unwanted crotch cooties.