There's No Place Like Home

I just spent Spring Break in Seattle with my parents, living with them in their small house for an entire week. My parents are loud, opinionated, and they smoke. They are also hilarious and would do anything in the world for me. Here are some of the more memorable things they did to embarrass me while I was there:


My mother is incapable of whispering, so even though I warned her not to make any unnecessary comments in church on Easter Sunday, she proceeded to "whisper" to me, "I think the piano player is blind!" And no, he wasn't blind. Or deaf.


While watching a T.V. show my mother loudly comnmented on the actress's breasts. "She has small ninnies." Ninnies? Why?


In an effort to explain my new healthy lifestyle to my parents, I made the mistake of telling them I try to only eat things that come from the earth. My dad said, "Why don't you eat some of your mother's tulips?" And my mother replied, "Why don't you dig up some dirt and eat that?" Thanks for the support.


My parents keep their heat at a freezing 67 degrees. When I stated my feet were cold my mother said, "That's because of your diet." Yeah, fruits, vegetables and lean protein will do that.


Speaking of vegetables, none were going to be served on Easter. The menu consisted of potato salad, macaroni salad, ham and rolls. I told my mom I would gladly buy the ingredients for a salad and veggie platter. Her response? "We don't need any G*damn vegetables!" I did it anyway.


We finally came to an agreement (sort of) a couple days into my stay. I told them I would lay off their smoking if they would lay off my "crazy" diet.


It didn't last long.


They are crazy but I love them.


-Lela