Last night as my son was getting ready for bed, he came running down the stairs and announced he'd forgotten to tell us something. Remember, he's 16.
Boy, "A rat died under the edge of the step off the front porch."
My sleepy eyes opened a little wider. "Excuse me?"
Boy, "When I left the house this morning, I there was a terrible smell. I looked and I thought it was a hairball, so I poked it with a stick. It's a rat and there's a bunch of white worms in it." I did say he was 16, not 8, right?
I threw up a little in my mouth. A hairball? In the driveway? Really?
Husband, "Oh yeah, I saw that."
Me to husband, "Wh - what? You saw it? And you didn't do anything?" Me to boy, "And you! You didn't bother to stick your head back in the door and TELL us? Or text me? You text everything else!"
Husband, "I didn't know it was a rat! I thought it was, you know, a hairball."
Dear God, who were these people I lived with?
Me, "Well you need to go take care of it."
Me, "Uh yeah, now. I'm not going to sleep knowing there's a dead rat smelling up the neighborhood right off the edge of my porch!"
Husband, "What am I supposed to do with it?"
Me, with frustration mounting, "Get it into a plastic bag... or five, and throw it away!" (I know Erin, the plastic bags are bad... but it was a dead RAT! I'm good usually, I promise!)
After the deed was done, he returned asking, "What do we do about the pile of maggots?"
I threw up a little more in my mouth. "Spray them with some Raid."
Husband, "We don't have any."
Of course we didn't have any. "Well find something. I don't want maggots crawling into my garage!"
But we had some all natural wasp spray - it's made with some kind of mint oil, and the label says it's Nature's Neurotoxin. He wasn't sure it would work, but gave it a try. It worked. I'm pretty sure this morning there is a pile of dead maggots in my driveway. And I won't be throwing anything in the garbage can until the next garbage day. The guys can handle that job.
In my defense - I use the garage door. I rarely go in and out the front door. So no, I didn't see it or smell it. Thank goodness. I'm pretty sure this is why we get married. So husbands can take care of dead things. Right?