Me: Nick, did you know that high school kids are taking heroin now?
Teenage son: Shooting-up or smoking it?
Me: Neither. Kids are taking it like pills that look like colorful gumballs!
Son: Mom, I would never do drugs because you would catch me.
Me: So you are saying that you would do drugs if you could get away with it?
Son (with a smirk): I wouldn't mind trying some pot brownies.
My son was listening to his music playlist on the computer when I walked in and heard Andy Sandberg (from Saturday Night Live) singing, "I want to put my penis inside of you".
Me: Nick, this song is totally inappropriate. Remove it from your playlist.
Son: Mom, it's just Andy Sandberg. He's hilarious. I watched the "Dick In A Box" skit with you on Saturday Night Live.
Me: I am okay with "Dick In A Box" but not okay with "I Want To Put My Penis In You".
Yes, I really did have those conversations with my son. Believe me, my head was about to explode! And I am embarrassed to say that "Dick In A Box" is pretty funny. Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIDlqI7fB4Y